Zen Spot #62 — Mindfulness, meditation and the violence of depression February 3, 2018 00:05

The blackness

There is a monster living inside me that, when it rears its head, seems to eat my soul. The violence with which it acts is a police baton jammed into my solar plexus. At the same time, an anvil eases gently onto my chest like a frog slowly boiled in a pot of water. Sleep is the only reprieve. Awakening to the fact that death has not collected me prompts thoughts on how to hand myself over with as little pain as possible.


I hold the belief that capitalism, and the relentless pursuit of profit, has created a culture that can break one’s spirit. Long ago, in my opinion, we passed the point where the human mind can continue to function effectively when bombarded relentlessly. And it's not just me. Millions return home broken after a full day of work. That millions of others are unaffected means nothing.

Like the explosion of a car engine driven with the gas pedal pushed all the way to the floor for fifty miles, some people implode. Cogs are chewed and spit. Cheek bones lie on the sidewalk, as if they've just lost a street fight, with grit embedded in flesh, and invisible blood flowing, as the remainder of  their flesh is cooked in the beast of sunlight. 


There is a biological tipping point of darkness that, when reached, becomes virtually impossible to recover from without medication. Clinical research has proven this point. That which looks like a character defect or laziness or self pity is actually a pathology that requires medical intervention. 

This is our time. These are our choices. Despite the science.

Buddhism and the science of the mind

I discovered the path in part because of the violence. My mind has been severely compromised at times when the monster found its way out. The blackness is deep. Mindfulness, truth be told, is not enough. It is one tool in a toolbox. 

Study helps. Making time to practice is critical. Endorphins, created by exercise, work wonders. Improved choices contribute to peace. I avail myself of all science.

Zen spot

Wherever you find yourself, if the depression comes — or returns — take the medication. As you improve, and you will improve, take time to study. Exercise. Make choices in your best interest. Be kind to yourself and others.

And believe.


About DharmaMechanic

An artist, entrepreneur and writer walking the Buddhist path, his art focuses on the Dharma Wheel. The four wheels shown above are among over 600 DharmaMechanic has created over the course of his career. Each has a unique story. If you’d like to read the story of these wheels or purchase a framed 20" x 20" ready-to-hang print, visit SilkDharma.com.

What are The Four Noble Truths?

  1. The truth of suffering
  2. The truth of the origin of suffering
  3. The truth of the cessation of suffering
  4. The truth of the path to the cessation of suffering

What is The Noble Eightfold Path?

  1. Right view
  2. Right intention
  3. Right action
  4. Right speech
  5. Right livelihood
  6. Right effort
  7. Right mindfulness
  8. Right concentration

What is a Dharma Wheel?